The Ones I Like List of 2010 [#2]
©2010 Katya Horner. All rights reserved.
almost fairytale season. When I went to Stowe, Vermont in September of 2009, I was instantly a convert. Until then, Asheville, North Carolina had my go-to happy place — the Blue Ridge Mountains, the formidable arts community, the Biltmore’s lush and spacious grounds. I didn’t think that any U.S. location could unseat it from its throne. But then there was Vermont, a state with an independent, active spirit, a landscape that had all the bucolic goodness that I had only up until that time dreamt about, and it had history, real history, formative history, something that I found myself more and more drawn to while touring the far corners of the state. I went there thinking fog, foliage, moose and Ben & Jerry’s, and I left there thinking retirement, passion and the depth of and capacity for inspiration. It was a “greater than” kind of trip.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, 2010 didn’t afford me the same kind of inspiration as 2009. (Or, rather, I didn’t afford myself the openness to become inspired?) I had my heart on another trip back to New England all year, and for a number of reasons, it just didn’t pan out for me. It’s funny how something like that, a failed attempt at a vacation, can be a “deal breaker” when it comes to one’s relationship with their positive perspective. What it told me was that I still didn’t have a firm foundation under this thing called “creative confidence.” It teetered too easily.
Folks who have been following me since 2005 (thank you!) know the struggle I’ve had with not really owning my talent, with trying to please others, with feeling technically sub par. It’s been no secret that it’s a mental game with me. When I first started shooting in 2005, it was so easy. There were no expectations about my photography from others and, more importantly, myself. That lack of expectation yielded liberated work. A liberation that I sought out this year, but didn’t find. Maybe I tried to hard. Maybe I thought too much about it. There you go stinkin’ thinkin’ again, Katya!
I chose almost fairytale season as my #2 photo on the 2010 The Ones I Like List because it, interestingly enough, represents all my missteps this year. I haven’t counted, but I’d be fairly certain that I processed significantly more photos from 2008 and 2009 in 2010 than photos from the year itself (work not included). All that faux confidence was residing in the past, photos that I already knew would be successful, not photos that would be up for discussion, evaluation, photos that would stretch my creativity, my passion. It was photography from a place of fear, and that’s this photo in a nutshell — old raw image, predictable processing, resting on the ever-so-safe laurels, whatever a laurel is.
Now, I wouldn’t post a photo as my #2 photo of the year if I disliked it. I don’t dislike this photo at all. On the contrary, I love it. I think the colors are exciting and the scene, beautiful. It’s the same wood and clearing that was offered up in #7 on this year’s list. And there lies the problem (and the blessing of having that kind of a “moment,” I guess), two crowd-pleasing photos taken in 2009 on the same day, probably within the same ten minutes, processed and presented in 2010…taking up two spots on this year’s list. It’s kind of like cheating…myself. But it typifies my year, so, I guess, it was the only way to go.
Other favorites (seen below), narrowly missing the list, that were taken in 2008 or 2009, but processed in 2010 include: turn, two trees in the distance and wonderland.
