The Ones I Like List of 2008 – A Countdown [#3]
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Backstage with Tyann Clement – In March of 2008, I spent four days taking a workshop at the Palm Springs Photo Festival, a portrait/lighting workshop taught by the very creative Frank Ockenfels. The workshop was a valuable one because Frank really freed us up to experiment with lights (most of the makeshift variety), settings (not an ounce of “studio” to this class) and direction. I learned a lot. But none of what I learned technically or creatively about photography was as significant as what I learned about myself.
At the end of the first day of the workshop, Frank went around and told each student what they should be working on for the duration of the course. We had only been together for a few hours, but Frank seemed to have done a solid job assessing the strengths and weaknesses of each participant. When he got to me, did he tell me that I needed to learn about the way light interacts with the subject, the camera? Did he tell me that I needed to communicate better with my model? Did he tell me that I needed to think about “framing” more creatively? No. No on all counts. He told me that I needed to be more confident. That’s it. “Be more confident.”
I was infuriated. I remember blasting him to my friends the first chance I could. “Thank god we live in a cellular world,” I thought to myself. I needed the reassurance of my friends. “He doesn’t know anything about me. He doesn’t know that I just spent four weeks fighting a dog bite infection. He doesn’t know that I was just in the hospital the day before for a burst ovarian cyst. He doesn’t know that I’ve had absolutely no sleep for weeks. He doesn’t know anything about me. Period.” I was fuming.
What I didn’t know about Frank that first day, but came to understand as the week progressed, was that he was spot on with his critique. A marksman, really. It wasn’t about dog bites or illness. It wasn’t about insomnia or workload. It wasn’t about anything external. The biggest thing holding me back was self-confidence. The bastard, and I say that lovingly, was right. Crap.
Nine months have past since the “come to Jesus” moment, and I’d love to say that I’ve given birth to a new bundle of “peace” with my creative ability, but I’m not quite there yet. I still apologize far too much for me and my work, even when I have nothing to apologize for. I still judge my photography against the greats in the industry, setting a bar that’s much too high to allow for creative fulfillment. I still want everybody, all 6.6 billion of you, to like what I do. We’ve got a long way to go — confidence and I. I’m appreciative to Frank, however, for bringing it…so clearly…to my attention. It was the one thing I learned about myself in 2008 that I know will make a difference in my life in 2009.
I’m not quite sure exactly what it is that I like so much about Backstage with Tyann Clement, but it’s my favorite portrait of the year…by a mile. It’s right up there with Texas Bullfighter as an all-time favorite. But contrary to what this year’s Top 10 would suggest, I had a lot of portrait sessions this year, many of which yielded photos I really like. Some of my other favorites (the first two from Frank’s workshop) are tamara, wednesday night in palm springs, orange is in and soloist.
